15 Tips for the Highly Sensitive Parent – As a high-testing HSP whose senses are particularly heightened during pregnancy, especially being home with my kids almost all day, I can definitely identify with this article. I’ve focused on trying to manage the areas of touch, sight, sound, and mind, but haven’t really focused on taste and smell. Many of the suggestions listed in other areas have definitely helped me avoid slipping into insanity. 🙂 “I took the short self-test created by Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, and checked off 22 out of 27 statements indicating that a person is highly sensitive. Twenty-two! And so I began sleuthing out approaches to life that would allow me to create coping mechanisms so that my days weren’t filled with constant frustration from overstimulation. I soon discovered, however, that while a lot of the suggested coping techniques for highly sensitive people were truly helpful, they also included advice that simply isn’t possible in the reality of parenting small children. Directives like “make sure to get enough sleep” and “avoid chaotic environments” aren’t practical for me.
Read MoreWhen Darkness Descends, Look for the Light
The Darkness Descends Every year, right around the end of Daylight Savings Time, I notice a curious phenomenon. For several weeks, social media posts become more negative, conspiracy theories become believable, and sarcasm and snark take over as the vernacular du jour. Oh, we grow a little happier in the days surrounding Thanksgiving and Christmas, but then we (collectively) slip back into our darkness until we gradually transition out along with springtime blossoms. This “darkness” may well be the curse of Daylight Savings Time, or it may be any of a thousand other reasons. And, experienced en masse or not, along with times changes or not, we all tend to slip into seasons that seem a little darker. In our desperation, helplessness, times of being overwhelmed, and truly life-altering crises, the darkness descends. But when the darkness descends, look for the light. The darkness may be figurative, or it may be literal. The light may be what you find at the end of a tunnel, or it may be a distant twinkle in the sky, or possibly, it may be a whole new world of light just around a very dark corner. But look for it. And keep on holding on to it. 7 Realizations that Look for The Light Lists don’t solve life longings, but here are a few ways to look for the light in the darkness: 1. Realize that things seem darker than normal. Sometimes, simply acknowledging where we are is a helpful step in the right direction. Next, pinpointing why can take us a little bit further toward the light. 2 . Realize your privilege and provisions. It’s still dark, but consider the luxury your darkness may be to those in more desperate circumstances. This isn’t to mitigate your own darkness, but sometimes perspective can be a little light glimmering in the distance. 3. Realize that darkness might be getting to you. Yes, the darkness outside your window might make the darkness inside your heart feel a little bit harder to deal with. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a legitimate condition, and it may play a greater role than you think. I’ve been surprised at how readily I can personally attribute my feelings of “darkness” to these factors. (Sometimes decluttering, cleaning, getting outside, or exercising can get a surprising amount of mileage here, too.) 4. Realize that grief takes time and space. Death is not the only time…
Read MoreThe Seasons of Tightness, Tensions, and Transitions
Yesterday, my friend Johanna wrote an excellent post about “the reality of life lived in tension,” which really resonated with where I am right now. Daniel and I have had many similar discussions, and by tension, I’m not referring to marital tension! 🙂 I currently feel tightly squeezed by the many tensions and transitions of recent months, yet in a good place. January 2013 is still less than a year ago, but I would have been shocked then to see where October 2013 would have me. A verse that has stuck with me since the beginning of the year was Ecclesiastes 11:1 “Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days.” And so, I have flung myself into many endeavors and ventures. The year has been full: A first birthday, our seventh anniversary, my thirtieth birthday, and many others. Our ventures have been many: Our five-week trip to Ecuador, lots of freelance jobs, and new job for Daniel, and a transition to a new job and more full-time work for me. Renovating a house, selling it, buying another and moving, working on future investments, just to name a few, joined together with the many that can’t be shared. Meanwhile, I bear the tension of being committed to being a full-time parent to my three young children, still nurturing my baby through breastfeeding and cos-leeping. Although I have now come to see it takes a community of family to raise a child, I have no grandparents nearby, and lack the community support that I see as ideal. I feel the tension of desire and contentment, of accepting where I am, yet yearning to offer my children something different when they are in my shoes. The tension of identifying as a renaissance soul, while still striving to make sure I pursue those which fit my season of life. The tension of downsizing while our family is growing, working extra hours and jobs to move forward to our future desires, while still maintaining “the balance of living always.“ I see the need for margin, and yet I am in a season of pushing myself to my limits some days and nights. Of loving the job I am able to do from home, while simultaneously feeling the stress that makes me question my sanity. For now, I feel we are in a season of more transitions and greater tensions,…
Read MoreJustus is One!
It never ceases to amaze how just one year’s time can transform a ruddy, floppy, birth-scented newborn into a walking, talking, baby with a definite sense of humor and vibrant personality. We praise God for our joy-filled year with Justus Daniel Shalom, and pray for many more years together. Happy first birthday to our beloved son! We celebrate his life and those who have played a special part in his life so far. May God make His face shine on you, and may you grow into a man, who, in keeping with your name, seeks justice, yearns for and promotes true shalom, and who lives with the thought that “God [alone] is judge,” as we seek to nurture and tenderly shepherd you as you become the person you were created to be. Justus at 12 Months
Read MoreDaily Rhythms with Anchor Points and Pressure Valves
Anchor Points Make Days Predictable and Flexible These days, I don’t write out a minute by minute schedule to plan each day. Forget minutes–I don’t write out hourly schedules, either. Our days are fairly predictable with expected routines, but they also have a lot unstructured kid free time spaced throughout the day. We like to call the routines that hold down our day our anchor points. Anchor points are the non-negotiables that tie our days together. We have a few checklist items (e.g., make/eat breakfast, work on article, read book together, take walk, etc…), and then I arrange them within the general time categories when I need to accomplish them (e.g., morning, early afternoon, evening while kids are sleeping, etc…). Wedding this idea with the concept of margin has provided me with more flexibility and opportunities to get things done. Keep It Simple Schedule One way to become quickly overwhelmed with small children is to pencil in every minute of the day. When a diaper or potty accident occurs, a shoe is lost while heading out the door, or a child really needs a little more of your attention, the minute-by-minute schedule is thrown off for the rest of the day. Instead, and particularly in this season of motherhood, it may help to focus on times as chunks, and days with routines instead of strict schedules. In his productivity book Zen to Done, Leo Babuata encourages his readers to eliminate many of the unnecessary items off of their checklists, and just focus on three main tasks for each day. By eliminating others, they are more compelled to actually accomplish the most important tasks. While such extreme simplification in motherhood (especially the SAHM version) may seem unrealistic, it may help to eliminate the minutia that ends up creating more stress and distracting from accomplishing what is truly important. Life Tastes Better in Bite-Sized Chunks Viewing your day as centered around anchor points will also help to break the day into chunks, and allow each section to seem more manageable. Bite-size is easier to do throughout the day than trying to eat a whole elephant at the end of the day. Mealtimes are great anchor points. Using these as your non-negotiable times, you may choose to break up your day into a breakfast checklist, a lunchtime checklist, an afternoon checklist, and an after supper checklist. Additionally, each day may have its own space for a particular outing…
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